Christmas Morning 2011

The best part of my Christmas this year was seeing Ben discover the wonderment of Santa. He saw Santa a couple times this year and both times he asked him for dinosaurs. He had a specific set of dinosaurs picked out from a catalog. This morning, he woke up and told him that Santa came to our house last night. He went straight to the Christmas tree and stood in amazement. We showed him the cookies that we left out had bites in it and he went back to the presents. We let him open Santa's present first and both of them were dinosaurs! The next gift he opened was from Mommy and Daddy and he was sorely disappointed to find pj's instead of dinosaurs.

Here are a couple videos from our Christmas morning:

"My first Christmas in Heaven"

I see the countless

Christmas trees

around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,

please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas with

Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,

the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description,

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,

I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away,

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,

from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious

than pure gold.

was always most important

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,

my Father said to do.

I can't count the blessing or love

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and

Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas with

Jesus Christ this year

Christmas was a little different this year. It felt like I was just going through the motions. I have been struggling with my faith a bit lately, so I wasn't really in the celebrating mood. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for what I have. I know I am beyond blessed to have a wonderful husband, 2 perfect children, and a large loving family, but I am still missing someone. The poem above was given to my by my step-mother, Dianne, for Christmas and I have to admit that it dulls the pain a little bit. Knowing that Tami is somewhere so wonderful makes me feel better. I don't know if anyone else noticed, but in the midst of our Christmas travels Peter stopped to point out the sunset. It was beautiful! The sky was a gorgeous grey and pink swirl with orange accents. I stopped for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a moment, and my heart warmed a bit. I know it was beautiful from here on earth, but imagine what it might have looked like from Heaven.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas and gave extra hugs to those you love today.

(I know this was a bit of a depressing post so I promise to follow it with the best part of my Christmas!)

Ben's message from Santa:

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/gMxdQOCyUFQKRhBWPNxFULw

A fun little game I found on a forum I visit regularly:

• Go to Google Images

• Type in (in different searches):
- Your name
- DH's name
- Current/Future kids' names

• Post the image here (must be from the first row!)


Sarah

Peter

Benjamin

Oliver

Go Dogs Go!

I took this video last night when we were putting the boys to bed with a book. We had both the boys in our bed. Ben started reading the book and I pulled out my phone to capture as much as I could. The video is really dark because the lighting in our bedroom is really bad so its mostly audio. If you've ever read 'Go Dogs Go' by Dr. Seuss then you will love it!

I've realized over the last couple weeks that i'm not handling things as well as I thought I could. Everyday is a new struggle. I contacted my insurance company yesterday and I am going to start some counseling soon. Now I have to pick 1 of the 200 counselors in my area!

I miss you...

It has been almost 7 weeks since my little sister was tragically taken from this earth and from me. I struggle on a daily basis with all the emotions. Sadness, anger, fear, regret....those are the ones you would expect. The ones that I struggle most with are ones like happiness and joy. I can no longer feel happiness without feeling guilt. I feel guilty for being happy. I feel joy in watching my children grow and learn, but it makes me sad. I am sad that Tami isn't here to feel that joy with me. I want my sister to come back so badly that it actually hurts. My body and my spirit have taken a beating over the last couple months. I feel anxiety when I drive near the crash site, I feel an ache in my chest when I am near the cemetery. I experienced my first panic attack at work while learning how to save lives. Everything around me reminds me of Tami and it reminds me that she is not here. I cry. I pray. Everyone says it will get better....I don't believe them. Supposedly there is a lesson....I don't see it.

It's been tough to smile lately, but this helps

Look what we are doing this weekend!

Why we Love Summer...

We have been having a GREAT summer. Ben is getting so big and independent. He LOVES water. Over the 4th of July we went up to Frankfort and spend a few days with Mimi and Bumpa. Ben LOVED hanging out in the shallow water of Lake Michigan and Crystal Lake.


Last weekend we went to the zoo with Grandma Patty and cooled off in the sprinkler afterward. Here is a video of Ben having fun:

Yesterday we spent the day at Great-Grandpa Dave's pool. Ben was a a little scared of being in the pool at first, but by the end of the day he learned how to swim all by himself!!! Check it out:

We had a photo shoot on Monday night with our favorite photographer More Than Words Photography {by Tammi}. She is beyond talented and her style fits our family perfectly. Here is a sneak peak of the photos:

With Peter's new job keeping him at the office later, I am forced to learn to cook. Tonight we had a chicken and tortellini salad!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Easter Egg Hunt with Mom and Dad....and an "I love you" at the end!

Happy 2nd Birthday Benjamin!!!!

Ben had a wonderful birthday today! We started the morning off with some cuddling on the couch and Micky Mouse. We then went to the store and mall to run some errands and have lunch. Then Ben had is first salon big boy haircut. He looks so handsome (and old).

We came home and he took a nice long nap. When he woke up we spent some time playing outside until Daddy came home. After dinner we opened all the cards and presents that came in the mail.

We also gave him his birthday present from Mommy and Daddy....A new Radio Flyer Tricycle!!!

(I tried to get Ben to sit down so Peter could bring the bike upstairs, but Ben wanted to go downstairs with Daddy and saw the present before I could get the camera on)

Ben's got his Mama's moves! Look out everyone....

'More than words photography by Tammi' is the photographer that did Ben's 6 month pics, our family pictures, Ben's 1 year pictures, and Charlotte's newborn pics. We are so glad we found her because he style fits our family so well. Here are a few of my favorites!

Ben 6 Months

Ben 1 year

Charlotte Newborn

Tammi is having an awesome giveaway for 'More than Words Photography' s 2nd birthday! You can enter by visiting her blog.

Blizzard 2011

Peter, Ben and I are excited to announce that we are expanding our family. Baby Buzzy #2 is due August 9th!