Go Dogs Go!

I took this video last night when we were putting the boys to bed with a book. We had both the boys in our bed. Ben started reading the book and I pulled out my phone to capture as much as I could. The video is really dark because the lighting in our bedroom is really bad so its mostly audio. If you've ever read 'Go Dogs Go' by Dr. Seuss then you will love it!

I've realized over the last couple weeks that i'm not handling things as well as I thought I could. Everyday is a new struggle. I contacted my insurance company yesterday and I am going to start some counseling soon. Now I have to pick 1 of the 200 counselors in my area!

I miss you...

It has been almost 7 weeks since my little sister was tragically taken from this earth and from me. I struggle on a daily basis with all the emotions. Sadness, anger, fear, regret....those are the ones you would expect. The ones that I struggle most with are ones like happiness and joy. I can no longer feel happiness without feeling guilt. I feel guilty for being happy. I feel joy in watching my children grow and learn, but it makes me sad. I am sad that Tami isn't here to feel that joy with me. I want my sister to come back so badly that it actually hurts. My body and my spirit have taken a beating over the last couple months. I feel anxiety when I drive near the crash site, I feel an ache in my chest when I am near the cemetery. I experienced my first panic attack at work while learning how to save lives. Everything around me reminds me of Tami and it reminds me that she is not here. I cry. I pray. Everyone says it will get better....I don't believe them. Supposedly there is a lesson....I don't see it.